Whatever It Takes
by CardioQueen
Summary: Post 03.09 spoilerish. Cristina is ready to do whatever it takes to recover what is lost between her and Burke.


He closed the door in my face.

He closed the door in my face, and I'm standing here unsure of what to do.

Unsure of what to think, what to say.

I'm Cristina Yang, I'm supposed to have all of the answers.

What have I done?

What can I do?

My first instinct is to leave.

Leave and never come back.

Leave and get my edge back and never have my heart broken.

There's so much I want to say to him.

I set my hand on the cold door knob, and my own blood runs cold.

I can't breathe.

I can't think.

I pull my hand away as suddenly the door opens and I find him facing me.

"Talk." he spits at me. "Talk or get out."

"I...I.." I can't get any words out.

"Get out." he snaps.

"Burke, I was trying to protect us!" I yell back at him. "I didn't want this to...to end this...us! I didn't want you to lose your job. I didn't want to lose my job.." I'm stumbling over my words.

My hands are trembling. My heart is pounding. I'm sweating but I'm cold.

"You're a surgeon first, right. A surgeon first. Forget about trust, forget about love, forget about us. You gave that up when you chose your career."

"I told the chief! I told the chief and I could've just let it go...let him find out on his own, let him find out the wrong way, and let you carry the blame. I could've done it." I threaten. "But we are a team! We did this together, and if you go down, I go down too!"

I'm desperate now, and I feel sadness tugging at my heart, tears burning the back of my eyes.

I will not let him see me cry.

I will not let him make me cry.

"You're a surgeon first." he mutters. "Why should this surprise me?"

It's almost as if he's in his own world.

"Listen to me!" I yell at him, grabbing his hands. "Listen to me, dammit. For once, just for once, listen to what I have to say. I'm willing to talk, so listen to what I have to say."

He starts to pull his hand away, but I pull it back.

"I have given so much for you. I gave up my edge...I gave up everything that has given me drive through my life. I gave you my heart. You can't take this away." I start.

There are no words. I can't find the right words.

"I can, and I have." he pulls his hands from me.

"No, no you haven't!" I argue. "Burke! Stop! Stop being selfish..."

"Selfish? You're calling me selfish? You went to the chief, you betrayed me. You told him everything. I'm on probation for an undetermined amount of time. You have taken everything away from me in my career. And you call me selfish?"

"I was trying to protect you! Don't you understand that?!"

"If by protecting you mean ruining my life, you've done a great job of it, Dr. Yang."

I freeze.

Dr. Yang.

I'm not Cristina.

I'm not the woman he loves anymore.

I'm just Dr. Yang..

"Burke, don't do this...we can work through this. We have to. I can't be without you. I gave up my apartment, I don't have any place to go...I don't want to go anywhere else...I want..."

"What Cristina, what is it exactly that you want?"

His voice is bitter. Angry.

Unlike I've ever heard.

"I want to stay here. With you. I'm sticking." I mumble, looking to the floor. "I'm sticking..." the tears begin to sting.

I won't let him see me cry.

"You can sleep on the couch tonight. Worry about finding a place to stay tomorrow." he mutters.

"I won't do it, Burke. I'm not finding a place to stay. I'm sticking. We're working through this if I have to carry that by myself, I will. I'm sticking. We're sticking."

He lifts my chin to face him.

A tear slides down my face and I try to withhold the others trying to break through, "I'm not going anywhere." I choke out.

He doesn't say anything.

His expression is unreadable.

He just nods slowly, dropping his hand from my chin, to grasp mine tightly.

In that moment, my heart slows, the anxiety seems to lift a little bit, and I feel a glimmer of hope.

"Whatever the consequence, no matter how long the silent treatment, even if I couldn't be at Seattle Grace anymore, Burke...I choose this. I choose our relationship. We have to fix this. I've put too much time, and too much love into this. I've put too much into this. We have to fix this. I will do whatever I have to do to fix this."

"It's been a long day."

"I can fix this."

"It isn't going to be easy." he replies quietly, my hand still in his.

"I'll do whatever it takes." I assure him, the lump in my throat dissipating.

"Let's go to bed." he nods, and leads me towards the bed.


End file.
